Tuesday, September 13, 2011


dear fbi,

you started processing my background check on june 20th. you supposedly mailed it on august 17th. but i never received it. then i asked you to send me a new one. that was on august 29th. you said it would take "about one week." i still haven't gotten it.

i have called you five times so far. don't make me do it again.


dear postal service,

you are not blameless in this debacle. why did you lose my original background check? please don't lose the second one. please.

also, i'm sorry you're having such a shit time right now. good luck.


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